I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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