so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
