Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
