Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
