if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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