I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
