i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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