I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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