My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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