is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
