All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
