So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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