I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
