a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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