I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
