If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
