best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
