She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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