he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
