ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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