Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
