Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
