I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
