This girl is more easily done than said...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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