Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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