The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
