Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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