history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
