i think my tv is drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
