i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
