next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
