Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
