I smell stomach acid.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
