just come out here and I will go home with you...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
