you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
