Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
