i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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