i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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