i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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