I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
