My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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