I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
