I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
