he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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