I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
