I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
