I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
