so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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