Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
