Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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