Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
